Polly Hudson – Mel B’s revelation? That’s going to Spice things up!

In terms of self-sabotage, it will surely become the stuff of legend.

Imagine you’re about to spend a long time in close proximity with a group of people who have clashed before.

There’s no way of getting out of it, the show must go on.

Then, just before it starts, you reveal a massive secret about one of them.

The cherry on the cake, so that you can’t even try to worm your way out of it later by feigning ignorance, is that you pepper the bombshell revelation with phrases like, “She’s going to hate me for this”, and “Her and her husband are going to kill me”.

Bravo then, Mel B, who has just announced that she and Geri Halliwell slept together back in the day.

Enjoy the tour.

Gulp.

Whatever Mel’s motivation – bit overexcited in the moment/wanted to test whether friendship really does never end – she’s messed up big time.

There are certain things that you just do not do to your mates… what she confessed to is arguably one of them, but the confession itself definitely is. Secrets must be kept. What goes on tour, stays on tour.

That’s just something everyone knows – it’s one of The 10 Commandments of Friendship.

The 10 Commandments of Friendship

1 Thou shalt respect that what goes on tour, stays on tour.

See?

2 Thou shalt have selective amnesia.

If I regret it/have since acted entirely contrarily/am crying, I never said it, right?

3 Thou shalt take my enemies as thine own.

Even if in private you’re telling me I’m acting like an idiot and need to apologise, in public we are united in combat aka being a bit off with them.

4 Thou shalt be honest, within reason.

If I can change it, tell me. If not, white lie your heart out. Possibly worth discussing early on in the friendship whether husbands fit into the first category or the second.

5 Honour thy opinions.

If you tell me something on Netflix is good, I will watch it, even if it doesn’t seem like my kind of thing, or has subtitles.

6 Thou shalt be happy to be ignored.

After discussing a problem at length, and giving sensible advice that you swore you would follow, you then do the exact opposite. When it all goes wrong, I will be there, and definitely not say “I told you so” or any variations thereof. What I am thinking is out of jurisdiction though, natch.

7 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s dinner.

If one of us has blatantly ordered better, the bounty shalt be shared.

8 Thou shalt support me to the end.

If I’m in a coma, you will deal with my moustache. If I die, you will clear my internet history.

9 Thou shalt be you.

You never need to tidy up before I come round. And I will only judge you half the amount I would anyone else.

10 Thou shalt understand.

Rules are made to be broken, and we’re all fallible and make mistakes. Someone might be hurt, or embarrassed, but if they’re a true friend, they will always forgive, even if it takes a bit of time. So that’s Mel B off the hook then… by the next reunion, at least.

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