Opinion | The Fearful Verses of Tucker Carlson

Every weeknight, the Fox News host Tucker Carlson unveils a new outrage to the American public. Each screed is then posted on YouTube under a snappy title, quickly attracting millions of views. Now that Mr. Carlson is no longer facing the prospect of having to testify in the Dominion Voting Systems defamation case, maybe he’ll become a little more cheerful, but until then here are some of his scariest headlines, set in verse:

This is chaos. (Feb. 13, 2023)
This is shocking. (Sept. 7, 2022)
This is bizarre. (Aug. 19, 2022)
This is scary. (Jan. 25, 2023)
This is a lie. (Dec. 20, 2022)
This is a racist lie. (Dec. 14, 2022)
This is a grotesque and filthy lie. (Nov. 23, 2022)
This is the most deranged story in history. (Oct. 28, 2021)


This is pure absurdity. (Feb. 6, 2023)
This is true insanity. (Feb. 9, 2023)
This is hilariously idiotic. (Jan. 18, 2023)
This is insultingly ridiculous. (Feb. 3, 2023)
This is one of the worst stories of our time. (Sept. 28, 2021)
This is the cruelest thing any president has ever done. (Jan. 31, 2023)
This is what the collapse of civilization looks like. (Sept. 13, 2022)
This is a disaster. (Feb. 14, 2023)


This is the road to chaos and collapse. (May 6, 2022)
This is nuts and no one seems to care. (Jan. 26, 2023)
We’re watching civilization collapse in real time. (Jan. 18, 2022)
You are watching the death of the future of our country. (June 24, 2021)
Why does no one in Washington consider this a crisis? (Sept. 15, 2021)
What the hell is going on here? (Oct. 21, 2021)
There is only one word to describe this. (Jan. 20, 2023)
This is dark. (Feb. 8, 2023)


It’s hard to believe this is real. (Nov. 28, 2022)
It’s hard to believe this is happening. (Sept. 28, 2022)
It’s hard to overstate what a momentous change this is. (Aug. 4. 2021)
This is worse than we thought. (Jan. 13, 2022)
We are led by buffoons; everything they touch turns to chaos. (Aug. 16, 2021)
They won’t admit they are wrong and don’t care what you think. (Aug. 30, 2021)
They are intentionally stealing the country from American citizens. (Aug. 2, 2021)
They are hoarding baby formula. (May 13, 2022)


This is horrible for all of us. (July 15, 2022)
This is a middle finger in your face. (Jan. 24, 2023)
This is why they are attacking Queen Elizabeth II. (Sept. 8, 2022)
This is an effort to degrade the country. (Dec. 13, 2022)
This is a clear indication of things unraveling. (Aug. 23, 2022)
This is the behavior of a failed state. (Jan. 26, 2022)
This is the only thing Obama has said that I agree with. (Nov. 20, 2022)
This is totally pointless. (Aug. 3, 2022)

Hart Seely is the publisher of Ahoy Comics and author of “Bard of the Deal: The Poetry of Donald Trump.”

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